Beatles Battle Apple Computers and Go Online: Every Possible Future Headline


Jackson’s Beatles Catalog is Becoming So Yesterday
Beatles set to join online music revolution
Jackson’s Beatles love me digital, as Apple sues Apple
Can’t buy me love: Beatles joining digital-music realm
Meet the Beatles, Online (Someday)!
Beatles to let it be, sell online downloads
Here comes the sun: Beatles online soon
Twist and Shout: Beatles’ Songs to Be Released Through Music Services

A Day in the Life of the Apple-Apple Trial
Beatles Camp Gets A Little Help From Their Friends in Court
The Ballad of Jobs and Yoko: Lennon’s ex-wife takes the stand
Steve Jobs Pleads to Celebrity Witnesses: “Help!
Lady Madonna? The Queen of Pop Comes to the Aid of Apple Computers
All My Love-In? Courtney Love Makes a Surprise Appearance at Apple-Apple Trial
Judge Decrees: You’ve Got to Hide Your (Courtney) Love Away
Beatles Camp Blasts Apple Computers: “You Never Give Me Your Money
Hey, Jud(g)e: Apple Computer Calls for a Mistrial after Procedural Error
Legal Analyst: Beatles’ Chances of Winning Case are Getting Better All the Time
Apple Faces A Hard Day’s Night Waiting for the Verdict
Tomorrow Never Knows How the Jury Will Rule in the Apple vs. Apple Case
Steve Jobs on Eve of Verdict: “I Feel Fine
Steve Jobs Pleads to Beatles Camp: “We Can Work it Out
Get Back, Apple Computers! Beatles Win Legal Suit
Cry, Baby, Cry: Jobs Suffers Big Defeat in Apple-Apple Case
Steve Jobs Admits: “I Should Have Known Better
Back in the U.S.S.R: How the Outcome of the Apple Case Limits Free Speech
Judge Stands Behind Verdict in Beatles Case: “Because
The Fool on the Hill: How Jobs Lost the Beatles Case
Baby, You’re a Rich Man: Beatles Stand to Make Millions on Digital Distribution
Illegal Copies of New Beatles Masters are Here, There, and Everywhere on the Internet
Everybody’s Got Something to Hide Except for Me and My iPod Nano
I Want to Hold Your Hand? A Compromise Reached in the Apple vs. Apple Case
Apple and Apple Come Together to Offer Digital Downloads
Got to Get You Into My iLife: Beatles to Go With Apple for Digital Downloads
Beatles to Offer Digital Downloads after Long and Winding (Legal) Road
Hello, Goodbye: Beatles Quickly Cancels Digital Download Deal with Apple

W. David MARX (Marxy)
April 17, 2006

Marxy wrote a lot of essays back on his old site Néomarxisme. This is one of them.

10 Responses

  1. Chris_B Says:

    you have way too much free time

  2. adamu Says:

    Well, Chris, you might be right – or maybe it’s his *job* to read news articles about the Beatles! If so, I feel sorry for him, but he’s comparatively lucky – the Beatles have hundreds of songs for reporters to riff on. It’s been my job to follow Japan’s postal privatization process for almost a year now, and apparently there is only one pun in the whole English language related to things postal (take a guess). Around August 2005 in the leadup to the big election there was something like 100 articles a day on the subject worldwide… by then, *I* was ready to go…crazy.

    I mean come on… it wasn’t clever the first time! They should really consider the people who have to follow this stuff.

  3. brent Says:

    well done. Though, like Chris, I was going to comment on how Japanese Company employment was treating you.

    …apparently you’re one of the window boys?

  4. marxy Says:

    Check the timestamp: I get up early to write these out before work.

  5. dzima Says:

    I’ve got a feeling that, all across the universe, this is something that even your mother should know belongs exclusively to countries where the language of her majesty is spoken (I haven’t witnessed such phenomenon in Japan or Latin language countries).

    Oh, darling Marxy! You going to have to carry that weight!

  6. marxy Says:

    Dzima, I am guessing you’re good at this because you were doing Beatles headline gags FIVE YEARS AGO.

  7. dzima Says:

    I’m very punny indeed.

    By the way, Architecture in Helsinki, who you included in your latest faux radio mix, reached their peak in 2003, fact that makes them very THREE YEARS AGO.

    (Actually, I can’t believe that you’ve been so hurt by that comment. Where is your ethnocentric ego!)

  8. marxy Says:

    Next you’re going to tell me that Bow Wow hasn’t been any good ever since he dropped the “Lil” from his name.

  9. Adamu Says:

    He’s actually gotten better… maybe getting molested gave him a realer outlook on life.

  10. JB Says:

    i just realised that Ringo was an apple :/