Bandō Mariko’s book Dignity of Women『女性の品格』 may be piggybacking on the immense popularity of Masahiko Fujiwara’s 2005 bestseller The Dignity of the Nation 『国家の品格』 but the former somehow manages to discuss the abstract concept of “dignity” in a way that avoids diatribe and provides practical information for the reader. A self-help book for women who would not admit to reading self-help books, Dignity of Women offers Japan’s second sex a total of 66 to-do lists for becoming a “strong, kind, and beautiful woman.”

A Tokyo University graduate, author Bandō Mariko’s first-rate credentials are the key to establishing the credibility such an authoritative self-help book requires. She led a 34-year career as a civil servant, beginning in 1969 at the Prime Minister’s office, while commanding a role as a working mother and a behind-the-scenes champion of women’s rights in the male-dominated world of Japanese politics. In addition, Bandō served as General of the Bureau for Gender Equality and Consul General to Australia before taking on her current position as professor at the Graduate School of Showa Women’s University. In other words, Bandō perfectly embodies the kind of woman that tickles the fancy of successful young career women. Yet rather than writing a biographical success story about being a professional woman with an indomitable spirit, Bandō has instead concocted a guidebook for the modern woman with a single crucial point: just because you may reach the very top tier of Japanese society populated mostly with “undignified” businessmen that doesn’t give you the right to start acting like them.

Ms. Bandō begins her book by recognizing the existence of the aforementioned The Dignity of the Nation but argues that dignity of an entire nation is not attainable without the dignity of every individual belonging to that nation. While she admits that courage, responsibility, sense of logic, integrity and resilience are attributes that must belong to dignified men and women, responsibility for the dissemination of dignity falls on the female.

Bandō’s tutelage is divided into behavioral and philosophical tactics, and it is the combination of the two, she writes, that brings about true dignity. The seven chapters — entitled “Manner and Dignity”, “A Dignified Way to Speak”, “A Dignified Way to Dress”, “A Dignified Lifestyle”,“A Dignified Social Life”, “A Dignified Behavior”, and finally, “A Dignified Way to Live” — can be grouped systematically into those that apply to a woman’s professional life and those that apply to a woman’s personal life. The over-usage of the word “dignity” on every page, however, quickly becomes grating, especially since a brief scan through the first few lessons is really all you need to comprehend what a dignified woman would and would not do. Throughout the course of the book, the dignified woman reveals herself to be a female social organizational construct as palpable as fashion subcultures like Kogyaru or O-nee-kei.

Personally-speaking, as a Japanese woman working for a Japanese company, just a week of employing Bandō’s Japanese Business Manners 101 quickly succeeded in raising the gray eyebrows of men ages 50 and up. Most Japanese corporate environments still operate according to the dusty rules of propriety, the most important of them being the “sempai/kōhai” respect-your-elders routine. From correct deployment of honorifics to the skillful exchange of platitudes and greetings to the formalities of phone reception and a dedication to resolute punctuality, these daily rituals often transcend any functional use to become almost tea-ceremony-esque courtesies that define the Japanese sense of business professionalism. For the first few chapters, Bandō takes the time to first spell out these critical rules for grown-up girls that their mothers most likely failed to instill.

Bandō’s insistence on propriety as the founding virtue of “dignified women” is no doubt conformist at heart. Yet what Bandō accomplishes in her book is to turn propriety into a cunning game tactic. Playing by the rules should be seen as neither subjugation nor resignation. At one point, Bandō writes that, as stupid as it may seem, men still feel irked when they are not respected by women. Furthermore, men are often uncomfortable with informal speech from a women. So, she asks, why cause unnecessary altercation? To rise above the men and their infantile needs of masculinity is essentially the core message that Bandō wants to relay to women hoping to beat Japanese society at its own game.

Bandō admits that as a young woman she believed brains would trump looks in the real world. But the hard cold truth is that physical appearance speaks volumes, and women are appreciated for their beauty. Bandō rejects an overly flashy or trendy fashion sense, but as a compromise, she dispenses advice on how to apply make-up, how to dress, and how to do hair in a dignified manner. Preventing extra fat from seeping up to your waist is equally important, as she mentions that in American society, overweight workers are ruthlessly deemed unfit for managerial position because they lack self-control. Faced with these confounding rules of society directed at women, Bandō’s suggestion is never to roar against it, for the premier characteristic of a well-groomed, pedigreed woman with a good posture and manifest dignity is not to make a fuss.

As the book progresses into more philosophical advice, Bandō increasingly struggles to keep her bourgeois snobbery from bubbling out of control. Bandō’s requirement for a dignified woman outside of the office is meticulously detailed — from being able to recite the names of seasonal herbs and flowers native to Japan to being an aficionado of the classical arts, both Kokin Wakashu (古今和歌集) and Mozart. She definitely assumes a universality to her rules, and many of them — like a disavowal of stinginess and a culinary flair in the kitchen — are quintessential codes of upper-class women. Yet Bandō’s idiosyncratic dislikes also materialize in rules such as “receiving free giveaways, such as makeup and shampoo samples, is undignified.” While the definition of a dignified woman may be inspiring so long as it remains flexible with a minimal number of ground rules, the more specific her definition becomes, the more Bandō displays her intolerance for lowly women who go to bargain sales only to pick up pocket tissue on the street on the way back home.

For all its snobbery, however, Dignity of Women does not lose sight of the wide demographic it targets. Bandō’s advice for the most part is egalitarian — in that the rules are applicable for women of any social status. The dress code for dignified women is achievable without breaking the bank. Bandō takes great pains to include women of all social and professional standings by insisting that there is a dignity to be weaned out of every menial task, even xeroxing.

Throughout the book, Bandō laments that it would be a shame if the ascendancy of women in Japanese society solely results in the production of “できる女” or capable women, who are just as ruthless and conniving as powerful men. What Bandō offers instead is an alternative to the market-driven desire to succeed, win and profit at all costs. In the chapter entitled “A Dignified Social Life,” Bandō predicts that in the face of an increasingly utilitarian society, Japan does not need obsequious women who can flatter their way into the hearts of men with clout, but instead, dignified women to lend a helping hand to people in all sectors of the social ladder, regardless of whether or not gestures of propriety will directly lead to promotion in status or position.

In the last chapter “A Dignified Way to Live,” Bandō writes that when she was young, she revered the typically American sense of entrepreneurship. But in hindsight, Bandō concurs that the Eastern philosophy of passivity against insatiable desires will make for happier human beings. Although there are no specific nationalist statements in Bandō’s work, the sudden draw of the word “dignity” in Japan may be related to a national realization that internal values must be embraced to counteract a waning status as an economic and technological powerhouse. Dignity of Women lacks the screed of The Dignity of the Nation, but Bandō’s gentle words do seem to be intended to comfort tired women run down by the spectre of Western capitalism. In the wake of China and India’s rise to ascendancy, Japan’s last line of defense may be something entirely different from fiscal or political power — a likability that comes from “dignity.”

In Dignity of Women, there is a certain sense of possibility that permeates the book: not everyone can become a “winner,” but they can surely attain dignity. This message may be the biggest appeal of Bandō’s work and explains its sales of 1.6 million copies. The need to be loved plays against the need to succeed in today’s Japanese society, and Bandō strongly suggests that what Japanese women need is to love, not to be loved. The ability to love others and help others unselfishly, she teaches, is the secret of being loved by all at the end of the day. While Japan’s male-driven society has evolved to beget profit-driven organization men like Livedoor’s “Horiemon,” Bandō believes that women will be able to instill an entirely new sense of value into corporate culture.

Ultimately, Bandō’s association of propriety with dignified women may strike many as old-fashioned, stifling or confining, but she believes that women can actually play a progressive role in society through the use of these traditional, conformist tactics. Fundamentally, however, her vision is hinged on the somewhat naive assumption that their agency in social change will come solely from a better, more moral selection of men — choosing husbands on criteria other than financial or hierarchical position and condemning the otherwise “undignified” males around them. As a book written by a political and social champion of women, Dignity of Women is flawed at a core level: the author expects Japanese women to somehow limit their fomentation of change to passive roles. But also, she wants readers to approach these techniques of “dignity” for moral reasons, even though she clearly spells out they can be used to attain greater social standing. The central question about the success of Bandō’s book is then, how are women actually appropriating the lessons? If an unselfish morality is the mark of dignity, then the book’s true success would come when female readers employ Bandō’s teachings on dignity for selfless reasons. The irony of the book, however, is that the author would probably see nothing dignified about a woman attempting to become “dignified” following the advice of a hit bestseller called something like, Dignity of Women.